


Birth of Venus

by darrenzieger



Series: Gallery [3]
Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:00:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28577898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darrenzieger/pseuds/darrenzieger
Summary: A cute little sex scene that was originally the conclusion of the previous story. Some character development along the way to make it "artistically valid."Note: Seriously, folks, I love all the hits on this story, but half or more of you aren't reading the preceding ones, which give it some context.Anyway, carry on.
Relationships: Louise Belcher/Original Character
Series: Gallery [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2067951
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

Alex sat on the edge of the bed embracing Louise, who, standing, was now just his height, making kissing much easier. Now everything Louise had learned from hours of making out with Rudy came flooding back, and this time the thoughts of her old friend were not accompanied by grief or regret, but with joy.

_This one's for you, Rudy. I hereby dedicate this makeout session – and whatever may follow – to the memory of Rudy Stieblitz. If you're out there somewhere, Rudy, thank you for your love and your kindness, and safe travels._

Suddenly, Alex drew back, dismayed to see her in tears. “Louise, are you okay?”

Louise allowed her self to sob, just a bit, but smiled. “Yes. Everything's wonderful.”

“So, why...”

“I let him go, Alex. I figured out how to say goodbye, and goodbyes are sad. But there's nothing wrong.”

“Wow,” said Alex. “Not to put a halt to all the kissing and stuff, but care to show your work? What happened?”

Louise beamed at him, radiating peace and acceptance – feelings she'd never experienced in her life, much less since losing Rudy. “I just... I realized something: the universe doesn't care. It doesn't hate me, or love me, or even notice me. I thought it took Rudy away from me like a lightning strike from God, like 'fuck you in particular.' But it was just a fucking asthma attack.”

Now she wept freely. “So it's okay to let the universe have him. I mean, I don't know about all that airy-fairy stuff. Probably, he just plain doesn't exist anymore. And that's... the worst thing ever, really. But either way, holding on to him as if he does is just... counterproductive.” She laughed through her tears. “That's not very romantic, but it's probably how Rudy would put it.”

Alex couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't be a digression, or gild the lily of Louise's epiphany. So he held her close again, and scritched her hair through her bunny-ear hat. (He vowed to figure out what the hat was about, eventually.)

“The universe doesn't care, Alex. Do you have any idea what a relief that is?”

He kissed her gently. “Don't believe in God, huh? I mean, God knows I don't, but...”

Louise laughed. “Probably not. I mean, I wouldn't die on that hill...”

“Good. That hill is miles deep with the corpses of true believers. Sorry, that's an ugly image, but on that note, with your permission, I'd like to start kissing you again.”

By way of an answer, Louise clambered over him onto the bed. Alex wasted no time in turning and planting himself on the bed next to her. They lay on their sides, facing each other.

He kissed her energetically, which he absolutely wanted to do for its own sake, but he took the opportunity to adjust his pants while he was at it.

Louise didn't fall for his misdirection. This time, she caught sight of just how much he was adjusting, and, with just a flash of terror, thought _holy shit – I'm going to have to do some yoga or something, because tab A doesn't look like it will even_ fit _into slot B._

In that spirit, she set some ground rules. “Okay, here's the deal: One: We're not going to have sex today...”

Alex laughed. “Well I didn't think so. Not that the thought hadn't crossed my mind. And other organs.”

Louise kissed him briefly but passionately. “Two: I may take some of my clothes off at some point. If so, that doesn't mean I've changed my mind about rule number one.”

“Got it.”

“Three: orgasms are not off the table, but I don't think I'm ready to deal directly with...” she glanced down “...that thing.”

“No whipping it out. Check.”

“Sorry to be so official and everything,” said Louise, “but I wanted to get that out of the way so we don't have to stop every couple minutes to discuss things.”

With that, she closed the gap between them and wrapped her leg around his hip. Well, his torso. Alex was _tall_. She grabbed his head and smashed his lips into hers. The impact reverberated straight down and landed between her legs, a powerful spark. _Apparently,_ she thought, _I like it a little bit rough. Interesting._

They explored the possibilities of that position for some time. Rocking back and forth, laughing. She felt Alex's erection against her inner thigh, and man, did that feel good. But she had a strong urge to acquaint her pelvis with his, and thought about Tina's description of her third time with Jimmy Junior.

Because Alex's back was at the edge of the bed, rolling him over in that direction wasn't an option. Instead, she gathered her strength and rolled him over her and onto his back, until she straddled him, sitting on his belly, which was rising and falling in waves as he laughed hysterically. In his best Darth Vader voice, he said “Impressive. The force is strong with this one.”

It wasn't a very good impression – It's hard to affect those rich, James Earl Jonesian tones mid-belly laugh. Louise considered a snappy remark to that effect, but was too distracted by the feeling of Alex's belly repeatedly hitting her between the legs as it bounced against her with the force of his laughter. It was doing things to her that she, perhaps foolishly, hadn't anticipated.

When Alex's laughter died down, she worked her way back until she was astride his hips. Through his underwear and jeans, and her leggings and underwear, all of which barely registered as existing between them, she felt the undeniable evidence – no, the physical embodiment of – his arousal. The goddamned thing was _throbbing_. She hadn't been prepared for that, either.

And more to the point, it was throbbing against just... the right... spot... Louise squeaked and Alex laughed again, which annoyed her, but she was too busy dealing with the effect of Alex's erection hitting that same spot over and over as his laughter caused her to bounce up and down again.

By the time his laughter faded, she was within inches of orgasm, as, she was pretty sure from his expression, was he. This was getting out of hand. In a good way, but still.

“Okay,” she said, “look. Just in case – _JUST_ in case – I change my mind about rule number one, do you you have, you know, protection?”

Alex, head back, grinning like a maniac, said “Oh, God, I love that question. Yes. Top drawer of my side table. Do you want to get them out now?” he asked, hopefully.

“Sure,” said Louise “but _just_ in case.”

“Of course.” Alex scooched over toward the edge of the bed, taking Louise along with him. In the process, his erection bumped against that spot again, but at an angle. Once, twice...

Three times was the charm. Louise moaned and shuddered; Alex yelled.

_Damn,_ both thought as the waves subsided at length and their brains returned to their bodies, _orgasms are really different when someone else is involved._

Louise, now aware of the wetness seeping from Alex's pants, moved up to his belly and lay flat on top of him, kissing his mouth, his cheeks, his neck. “Well,” she said, “that was... wow.”

Alex kissed her forehead, caressed her cheek. He nibbled her earlobe and that set off more wonderful sparks. He whispered “I love you” and nuzzled her. With his face against her neck he murmured, sweetly, “I should probably change my pants.”

“No,” said Louise. _Really?_ She asked herself. _Yes,_ she replied, w _hy the hell not?_ “just take 'em off.”

Alex's jaw dropped.

“Rule number one is still in effect,” Louise emphasized. “But I think we've crossed the... whatsitcalled? the Rubicon – that's it. If we're going to be making each other come, it seems stupid to keep our clothes on.”

Alex shook his head, maniacal grin back in full force. “You'll get no argument from me. Hold on...” He pulled down his pants, wiping himself off as he went. It took a couple passes, and Louise caught a glimpse of semen on his belly.

She, again foolishly, hadn't anticipated that, either. She felt childish, but she couldn't deny being repulsed by it. Semen had its purpose in life, a fundamental one, but did that mean it wasn't gross? Louise, a fan of gross-great, couldn't find the “great” in the substance.

_Thank fucking God for condoms._

Alex, now naked from the waist down, felt silly and took off his shirt as well. That was better. He was already ready to go again, and Louise couldn't help staring. _How does he supply enough blood to keep that thing hard without passing out?_ And how was she going to deal with it? Should she touch it? That didn't sound so bad. She thought of the expression he'd have on his face if she did, and decided she liked at least that part.

Alex smiled sheepishly. “So, um...” he gestured with his hands, presenting himself. “...acceptable?”

Louise nodded, still deep in thought. Seriously, what was she going to do with that thing? Quickly, she snapped out it and surveyed the rest of Alex's body. He was lean, but well-defined, particularly for a guy with sedentary interests. She decided his body was quite nice, and it would please her to do things to it. “Yes,” she added, smiling. “Very acceptable.”

“Well, that's a damn relief.” Alex's 'come hither' look was much more accomplished than Louise's. Up there with Tina's, in fact. “So,” he said. “I showed you mine...”

He sure was showing her his. She felt bad, staring at it – his eyes were up there. But he understood, and his laughter absolved her. “Take a picture,” he said. “It'll last longer.”

“I may take you up on that,” said Louise, removing her shirt, then, more slowly, her t-shirt. This, for Louise, was the real Rubicon. Getting naked in front of a boy. She removed her leggings. Rudy had seen her in this state of undress, panties and a bra. She remembered his hand shaking as he reached out to touch the left cup; how she felt, for the first time, that lightning bolt of pleasure shooting down her chest to her pelvis as Rudy's fingers brushed her nipple through the fabric.

That was as far as she and Rudy ever got. She had wanted him to do more. She wanted his other hand on her panties, and planned, when it was there, to grab it and shove it under them. She decided not to pursue that particular fantasy. Rudy wasn't ready. She probably wasn't either.

Was she ready now?

She pulled her bra off and over her head and added it to the small pile her clothes were forming on the corner of the bed. “Sorry – they're not much,” she said.

“Size,” said Alex, “doesn't matter.”

Louise laughed. “I'm sure no one's ever had to reassure _you_ of that.”

“You'd be surprised. I kind of wish it wasn't so big. I saw that look on your face. It wasn't desire, it was fear. And you're not the first to react that way.”

“Wait,” said Louise, “this isn't your first time?”

_Um, “first time”? Did you just make a decision without telling us._

_Yes. No. Maybe. I don't know. Shut up._

She saw from his face that he'd caught the implication of her question as well.

“Well,” he said, “ it's not the first time I've been naked with a girl. I went skinny dipping a few times with a girl I liked in 9th grade. Her family had a farm with a pond in Pennsylvania. But if you're asking if I've ever had sex before, then, no.”

Louise smiled and removed her panties. Alex reached for her, but she held out her hand. She had one more thing to do. She grabbed one of the ears of her hat. After a moment of indecision, she yanked it off quickly, as one does a bandage, to not prolong the pain.

“Huh,” said Alex. “That was difficult for you, wasn't it?”

Louise smiled, but the smile faltered. “You have no idea.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

Her come hither look wasn't really coming together, so she went with the old, reliable, lascivious grin. “After,” she said.


	2. Chapter 2

Tina wished she had a bucket of popcorn to munch on as she listened to her sister's tale of her first time. This was great. By the glow of Louise's new Kuchi Kopi night light, the sisters shared that most significant of girl talks.

“So he's waiting for me to make the first move. He's being patient, and totally calm, except for that one part of him, anyway. And it hits me how calm I am, too. Like, I'm totally hyped about the sex, that's gonna be awesome, but... it's all really casual. Friendly. Like, we could sit around like this, naked, and it wouldn't change who we were or how we related to each other. In fact, we were, and it didn't. Q.E...C., right?”

Tina laughed. “Q.E.D. – quod erat demonstrandum. That which was to be demonstrated.”

“Whatever, nerd. Anyway, it was so... comfortable. I mean, here we are, two kids about to turn in their V-cards. Auspicious moment, right? But it just wasn't a big deal. Great. Awesome, even. But not a big deal. Just something else the two of us could do together. A new hobby.

“I'm actually so surprised by how normal the whole thing felt that I lose track of time. I must have been sitting there for a full minute or more, not saying anything and staring into space. The thing is, I was actually staring in the direction his dick the whole time.”

Tina laughed. “Perfect!” she yelped.

“I mean, I'm not even registering it. But from his perspective, I've been staring down the barrel of the thing, speechless, for like 60 seconds. He says “you okay?” but he's not really worried, because he's laughing – which is what snaps me out of it, because his dick is bouncing around as he laughs...” Louise mimed following the organ's path with her eyes. Tina, still laughing from before, decided to pace herself and not completely lose it yet.

“So I say 'sorry,' but don't get into it any further, because I figure we can relax later, and I have an agenda.

“I want to get on top of him, but I'm not sure I have enough room in there. So I stall. I reach out and touch it, and he's instantly over the moon, all blissed out. That girl who saw it in 9th grade much not have been brave enough to grab hold of it, poor thing. Then he starts going 'oh god, oh god' when I grab it with both hands, which I needed – I mean look at these things. Tiny.

“Anyway, it feels weird, but it doesn't feel _wrong_. Did I mention he's uncircumcised – strange, for a Jewish guy, right? – Anyway, I'm really getting into it, and he's reaching out and stroking my hair, and my back, and it's all fun and wonderful, and it doesn't occur to me to stop. Then I feel his hips heaving and he's moaning and I realize I'm about to become the chick in the porno with come in her hair and I am _not_ ready for that.

“But I don't want to completely bail on him at this point – that would be creepy, so I keep going but lean waaaay back...”

Tina chuckled _ **.**_

“Then he lets out this long “aaaaaaaaa” and the... _beast..._ is pumping away in my hands, and it's this incredible feeling of power, until some of it drips down onto my fingers and I freak out. I'm about to wipe it off on his skin, but that seems creepy, too, so I wipe it on the blanket. But a bunch of it is already _on_ the blanket, and I get more of it on my hands in the process, and now I'm bugging out and frantically scanning the area for a towel or rag or something...” Tina is laughing uproariously. “...and the first thing I come up with is his shirt at the foot of the bed. And he's like, 'dude, that's one of my good shirts' and I'm like 'well, it's a jizz rag now, here' and I toss it to him and he's like 'fuck it,' and he wipes himself off, and I look down at my hand expecting to see burn marks...”

“Jesus, Lou,” said Tina, forcing herself to calm down, but still speaking through laughter, “it's just a bunch of goop. It's not dangerous.”

“Yeah, well, how did _you_ react the first time you got some on you?”

Tina twinkled, “well it tasted pretty bad, but I managed to swallow anyway.”

For a moment, Louise was 9 years old again. “Oh, _sick_!”

“Oh, grow up. You're a experienced woman now. Act like it. Specifically, act like it by telling me more. This is great.”

“Okay, fine. So when I'm sure we're both clean, and all soiled fabrics have been removed from the vicinity, I lie next to him. We're both on our backs, staring straight up, thinking about things, but holding hands. Occasionally one of us steals a glance at the other, sometimes we both do it at the same time and we turn away again real fast, like a couple of middle-schoolers flirting. It's ridiculous, but, I don't know, kind of sweet.

“Then we start kind of gliding our fingers over each other's skin – you know, just barely touching. Goosebump stuff. After a while, I realize his fingers are gradually swooping lower and lower, and he's about to get to a very sensitive area. It's already setting off sparks. I start squirming. He runs his finger through the top of my pubes, just the edge, then keeps working his way down, but so slow it's driving me crazy.

“Then, when he like a quarter of an inch from... Miss Thing, he slides down to my inner thigh. Which feels great, but still... I say 'Come on, don't torture me. I'm _ready_.' At least I think I said something like that. It might have been more like 'fuck you, you fingerbang-withholding fuckhead. Touch it!'”

Tina laughs and rocks back and forth. “You know Louise, this is exactly how I imagined you'd be when you had sex.”

“Yeah, except we're not _having_ sex. Mr. Magic Fingers is too busy teasing me.”

“Lou, that's all part of it,” says Tina, dreamily. “Getting worked up little by little, in rising waves, gradually, until you get hit with that tsunami...”

“Whatever. The point is, he's making me nuts, and I'm shaking like a spazz, and now he's not even doing that thing with his finger anymore. He gets off the bed and now he's down by my feet, and he starts licking and kissing his way up, and now I kind of see where this is going, and I stop shaking and just relax into it. He gets to the soft area behind my knee and I feel these waves of warmth with sprinkles on top wash over me.

“Now he's working his way up my inner thigh, and now he's kissing my crotch, and now he's licking his way along the lips, and I'm vibrating like your Magic Wand. Then he says 'god I've always wanted to do this and and his tongue is all over my clit, and in a few seconds I'm moaning, and then he licks his way, slowly, all the way from the bottom, way inside, to the top, and I'm yelling, then he goes at my clit again, but with a finger inside me, and I'm screaming and there's this explosion, and the explosion goes on and on, and it fades out soooo slowly...”

“Alright,” said Tina. “Here's to guys who love to eat pussy. High five!” Tina raised her hand – she was serious about the gesture. Louise rolled her eyes, but complied.

“Just FYI,” she said, “I don't want to hear about _your_ guy eating _you_ out, okay. You're my sister. Gross.”

Tina was aghast. “But you just... you told me... in great detail...”

“That's different,” said Louise, “because it's me, which makes it intrinsically more interesting.”

Tina shrugged. “Okay. Go on.”

Louise took a moment to find her way back into her story, and continued. “I don't know how long I was lying there with sparkles and doodles and noodles and poodles running up and down my body...”

“'Poodles'?”

“Shh! When I'm back in the real world, Alex is kissing my belly, working his way up again... He says. “Holy shit, I almost forgot to do this,” then his mouth is on my boob and I practically jump. God, nipples are sensitive. He smiles and starts going at them the way he went at my clit, and I swear I nearly came again just from that. Then he's propped up over me on his hands, and leans down to kiss me. It's the sweetest kiss ever. It lasts for days. It's also weird because I can taste... um, myself, on his tongue.

“Now he's looking down at me with this expression like I'm some kind of angel, like I'm the most exquisite thing he's ever seen. Like he's about to cry for joy.

“The way Rudy looked at me after our first kiss.

“Tina, you can't imagine what it feels like to be that adored...”

“I don't have to,” said Tina, eyes closed, smiling gently.

“Oh, shut up,” said Louise. She cleared her throat and continued “...what it's like to see that light shining from the eyes of someone who's been to the void and back like you. I know you've got a good thing with Michael; but Alex and me – we've been dead. Almost literally. He went up to the void and gazed over the edge and got sucked in. I set up a cottage there for three years. And here we were, blazing with life-energy or some such new-agey bullshit yadda yadda, whatever you want to call it...”

“Love?” suggested Tina.

Louise ignored her. “...and so I'm gazing into the bright light of whatever the opposite of the Void is, and he says “are you ready?”

So I snap back to reality. I mean, the answer is yes. Yes with a vengeance. But there's an issue. So I say. “Absolutely, but here's the thing... no, wait. First: condom?”

“Locked and loaded,” he says.“Well, locked, anyway.”

I say “Okay then. But... look, have you ever seen a great Dane/chihuahua mix and hoped to hell the great Dane was the mother?”

He laughs, and says, “yes, of course, my little chihuahua. We'll take it really slow and easy.”

So I, no shit, do my best to loosen up down there as he kisses me again, than I send up a little prayer to the Goddess of Kegels, and say “okay.”

I try to put myself in the best position to accommodate him but, what the hell do I know? After a couple false starts, we find the right one, and he slides into me surprisingly easily, and it feels amazing; but then he hits my fucking _cervix_ , and that doesn't feel good at all. I go 'ow!' and he pulls out most of the way and says 'sorry. I was afraid of that. This is going to be tricky.'”

So he starts moving back and forth – you know, Sex 101 – but carefully, and he's doing an amazing job of not battering my cervix. It happens a few times, but not at full force. He's going faster and faster, but not deeper – poor guy, he must _want_ to. But I guess he's trading depth for speed, because he's going really, really fast now. And I'm wrapped around him, and rocking along, and it's incredible, but as good as it feels, I can't seem to come again, even though I know I've got one in me.

“So when he comes, himself – and it's amazing – I'm so happy I can't describe it, and I feel like a goddess, but in the end my pussy's still on fire...

“He snaps out of his afterglow almost instantly and says 'you didn't come, did you? Crap. Maybe I need work on my technique. That _was_ pretty basic. Or we still need to find just the right position. Or...' He gets a good look at me and realizes the state I'm in and says '...or I could just take matters into my own hands and figure it all out later.'

“He lies down next to me, gets his arm under my side and gives me this amazing horizontal bear hug. And I remember something he said to me earlier, and tell him 'I love you, too.'”

“You didn't,” said Tina, eyes wide.

“I did,” said Louise.

“But... _do_ you?”

Louise smiled. “Yeah, I do, actually. Wild, huh?”

“How'd he react?”

“He kisses the ever-loving, dinosaur-riding bejeezus out of me – for... I don't know, a long time. Then he reaches down and starts rubbing my clit, and he adjusts himself and starts licking my nipples while he's at it, and I want to come almost immediately, but the bastard senses whenever I'm just about to, and holds back each time until I come back from the brink. I want to kill him, but I also want to see what happens if we do things his way.

“So he keeps up this tantric shit for like five minutes, which doesn't sound that long, but have you ever spent five minutes just on the brink of an orgasm? I think he has visions of keeping this up all afternoon, so I grab his dick and say 'you've got one minute. Either _I_ come off, or _it_ does.'”

“You didn't,” said Tina.

“I did,” said Louise.

“So what happened?”

“He says 'okay,' locks lips with me, and changes up the rhythm and pattern of his fingers so that in about ten seconds the whole fucking universe explodes – I'm surprised you missed it. I'm pretty sure they heard me screaming down at Wonder Wharf.”

Tina smirked. “Oh, so that's what that was. I thought you guys were watching a horror movie or something.”

“Wait, you _did_ hear me? I know I was being pretty loud, but Jesus, I can't belie...”

“I'm kidding, Louise. Kidding. But I totally believe you're loud as fuck.”

“Yeah,” said Louise, “well, if you'd come like that...”

“I have,” said Tina, “ with Michael. No, seriously, the whole universe exploding, protons, muons, gluons everywhere.”

“Well, good for you, then,” said Louise, pouting a bit, disappointed that her experience hadn't been completely unique; that her sister had felt the universe explode as well. _I'll bet it wasn't as big a universe as mine, though,_ she thought.

“So,” said Tina, “conclusion: he's good at sex.”

“Yeah. And so am I. I _destroyed_ him. We were at it all day. He was a hollow shell of a man by dinner time. A happy, hollow shell.” Louise grinned at thought.

“And you. Hollow shell as well?”

“Hollow? No. Hollowed _-out?_ Permanently. Damn that thing. I'm gonna be walking funny for days.” Louise's eyes bulged. “Crap – Mom and Dad. They'll know.”

“Knowing Dr. Goldenberg, they already do.”

“Aaaaaaagh!” Louise pulled down on the straps of her hat. “Did I _ask_ to have my sex life crowdsourced?”

“It's a Christmas miracle!” intoned Tina.

“Oh, shut up.”

“A Hanukkah mitzvah?”

“Tina...”

“A Kwanzaa quandary?”

“Get out.”


End file.
